Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Alone Again

I'm invisible for only one reason no one seems to be able to see me. I'm smart, fun, successful, somewhat athletic, funny and decent looking. Seems pretty cocky but that's the way it is. However, no matter what approach I take, I'm alone all the time. I'm in sales so it's difficult to describe I'm around customers all day, well part of the day, but most of my time is spent driving to and from buildings. And a lot of the time is spent cold calling people who really don't want to talk to me. So it's one big rejection after another. However, I'm used to it by now. I'm fairly young 5 years into the work force. All in sales. So I'm developing a turtle shell towards it. The sales part is not what makes me invisible. Professionally, I'm doing extremely well. Personally, my life is a mess. I live in a fairly large house completely by myself. 2700 square feet of empty to come home to after my lonely day at work. Loneliness is my worst enemy. It all started recently about 9 months ago. I started dating Dick after a messy break up with a someone I was engaged to. This guy was one of the meanest people I've met without it being illegal. Lasted 6 months. I actually ended it, because it was just so awful. Then I went on a spree to find a replacement quickly. And by replacement, I mean a lay, which was a mistake. I went on a slut rampage. There was ST, then TW, then LB, then DA, then AS, then JV, then DE, then AH. AH is the reason this all ended, well kind of. He told me I need to look for love, not some kind of pain relief from Dick. So I took his advice. Actually successfully secured a real date, CR. CR was separated from his wife for about 8 months living in a different apartment. Had loads of debt, definitely not a long term relationship by any means, but it was something to kill the loneliness. We had fun together, decent sex and we got along great. But he would get in these moods that were just brutal. I always tried to be understanding of them, having gone through so many break ups myself, none of which were as big as ending a 10 year relationship, but just the same sometimes short ones can hurt just as much. Anyway, CR couldn't handle the fact that he was getting attached to me, so he ended it. So again, I'm alone. So brutal. He actually could see me. It had been a while. All of the initials up top on the rampage list couldn't see me, (except maybe TW) TW will be described on a different day. AH will be described on a different day. Dick will be described on a different day. Just know that I'm alone, and I'm using this blog to get some of this crap out on cyberspace.

No comments: